TBHO Announce Overnight Summer Camp is a GO for Wild Animals
Health experts begrudgingly announced, Thursday, that overnight summer camp will be going ahead for wild animals. “We recognize the significance and importance of summer camps on the health and well-being of wild animals and wanted to do the right thing and allow their participation,” said Dr Geraldine Pullock, an expert in viral medicine.
Parents of wild animals have been anxiously awaiting news on this front ever since they were prevented from attending last year. One mother was recorded at that time advocating for the need for domestication, “All they ever see on a regular basis is trees, bushes and other scrub plant life. They are desperate for a domesticated experience!”
Dr Geraldine continues her concern that community spread is a possibility. “Wild animals, as you know, are largely pack or herd animals, and this desire to congregate is of concern, but after assessing the situation closely we have determined that only 30% or less are likely to leave their homes and interact with an open community. We feel that though significant, it does not meet our threshold of concern.”
“It’s about time!” says James Brudock of Muskoka hamlet, Port Sydney. “Our Bucks and Doe’s are slowly wasting away staring at bark all day. They desperately need a collar, something to bring them under control and isolate them under supervision of experienced professionals.”
Not everyone is in favour of opening summer camps, a local protest group on the lawn of Queen’s Park continues to grow with activist packs of wolves and bears, arguing that camps will be disproportionately accessible to herbivores and peaceful animals, creating a shortage in the agricultural sector with long-lasting effects that are impossible to predict at this time.
Note: this is satire, and any resemblance of real people now or in the future is purely unintentional (TBHO is the Total Baloney Health Operation and is not a real organization)